| Introspective |
[14 Feb 2008|07:09pm] |
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Maybe a year isn't so long...
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[02 Apr 2007|09:46am] |
I'm sure I'll be writing a more detailed report later.
But for now. All I can say is.
I'm pretty sure everytime I hear Ecstacy by ATB
I'm going to burst into tears.
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[22 Mar 2007|07:04pm] |
SFHKSJFHKSJFH PANDAA.
Sorry. I will update soon.
Too much has been happening. Too much has happened. Too much happens.
But ahh.
Mm.
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[04 Jan 2007|12:11am] |
I was
chubby
kind
glasses
anime&&video games
fantasy
self loathing
jelously&&malice
fake
listener
afraid
I have become
stronger
cigarette burns
ecstacy&&ketamine
talkative
insane
cold
easily disconnected
easy to connect to
slut
lonely
lovely
needy
I am becoming
selfish
a horrible person
addict
in love
crazy&&wonderful
scared
I always was and always will be
OBLIVIOUS
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[05 Nov 2006|06:37pm] |
I don't understand
I don't get it. I honestly...I don't know. I've been hurting people. I've been negligant and nonchalant and foolish with almost all the decisions I've made lately. I know I've been hurting people and the fact that I'm completely burned out and mindless is no excuse. I want to take responsibility for what I've done but I don't even know where to begin.
I really...I don't like myself right now. I've been lying to people, to parents, to myself. I've become someone I don't even know but I know I don't like. I'm like a creature. I'm like nothing I could even want to meet or become.
I've changed shapes before but never have I been so stupid.
I want to heal the wounds I've inflicted. I want to still the nightmares I've stirred. I want to press rewind and kiss booboos and make everything right and make everything wrong go away. But I know I can. And that's all I can do--recognize that what I've done was wrong, but I'm capable of little else at this point.
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[28 Oct 2006|07:56am] |
Myr. Tonight.
Basically.
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[22 Oct 2006|03:16pm] |
Smile.
I mean, why not. Smile. We don't have much time here, do we.
So smile, dammit.
Smile.
Just fucking enjoy yourself
and smile.
Forget everyone else
They'll love you more if forgotten
So you can do what makes you
Smile
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[15 Oct 2006|04:05pm] |
So my hair is now black with pink purple blotches all over.
It looked good for a while, but now I'm starting to worry how other will react.
Whatever. I'm happy with it.
I miss an ICP show and a rave this weekend, so I spent saturday doing hw and woke up at 8 am today. I'm purdy dissapointed.
Whatever. Obldadi, Oblada. Life goes on. Bra.
God bless John Lennon.
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[24 Sep 2006|08:54pm] |
I'm getting sick. I can feel it.
And I'm really, really
Not in the mood for dissapointment.
This is pointless.
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[27 Aug 2006|09:10am] |
Am I just wasting my goddamn time?
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[26 Aug 2006|02:29pm] |
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I need to redeem this empty life.
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[23 Aug 2006|07:51pm] |
I
start
10th
grade
tomorrow.
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[20 Aug 2006|12:59pm] |
He opened his eyes last night, but died this morning.
I feel like complete shit. I can't even go to the funeral. I know there're worse situations, harder deaths to cope with and everything, and I'm sorry for everyone's lossses, but please bear with me here. I loved Joe Yarmack. My great grandfather. In my mind he's still alive, because his spirit was just too strong to quit that easily. He was STABBED 27 times. And he still lived to be 97.
My dad's lost in a cloud of oblivion and euphoria with his bagels and movies. He hates my mom's family, but he loved Joe. My mom gave up Jenny for the day and locked herself up in her room with tuna and cigarettes. I'm just wandering.
I'm just not used to this.
I'm taking a temporary leave of myself and hibernating myself with my family for a couple days. My phone will be off.
Bye.
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[17 Aug 2006|11:13pm] |
You know what would be amazing?
If people stopped being so goddamn selfish. I'll give it a try. If we all stop talking shit. Stopped complaining about our lives, editing our story with pounds of self pity and nonchalant. Stopped being so greedy about love and letting it take over our lives. If we stopped being so defensive for negative actions done to us and instead took care of it in mature terms.
It would also be amazing to be able to make up your mind about love, lust, desire.
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[11 Aug 2006|03:08pm] |
oh, and did I forget to mention that I started a new myspace? ^^;;;
and so it begins.
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[11 Aug 2006|03:01pm] |
Top ten reasons why Rosie will forever hate FFVIII:
10. Stupid main boss
9. Underdeveloped story line
8. Emo Squall
7. Rinoa *twitch*
6. There are very few secret levels or items
5. There are virtually NO GOOD PLACES TO TRAIN
4. ....Rinoa......
3. Retarded junction system
2. No accessories, no mp, and magazines to get weapon
And then....
1. THERE IS NO CHOCOBO BREEDING
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[08 Aug 2006|12:31pm] |
MY FUCKING MYSPACE HAS BEEN DELETED LOLZ.
oh god I'm gonna fucking kill someone ITS THE SECOND TIME.
nyeh. NYEH. I ITCH FOR BULLETINS.
Please. someone start posting random song lyrics and questionares that no one cares about to calm my nerves.
please.
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[30 Jul 2006|08:30pm] |
damn it all. I'm home.
Again.
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[27 Jul 2006|10:48pm] |
I'm going down to Manhatten Beach again this weekend. Kind of a last minute thing, but I'm looking forward to it. I was gonna go to a rave but shit happens. I can't wait for the next one. I really need to sweat out all these sins and toxins and roll a little. Just a little.
Little by little.
By the way. I love listerine. And butterflies.
:]
But I feel so distanced from myself. I can't even think any more. Its like there's this tiny overlord hippe-stoner in my head that refuses any full or negative thoughts. I can still feel hatred for people and things though, so have no fear. But its like I can't even process an action or take in anything that someone says. Its really scaring me.
And I keep having this longing. Its really stupid, I know, but
I want someone to hold me. Fuck.
Laugh. Happy? Okay. Good. I aim to please. But in all seriousness, that's all I really want right now. To lay down next to someone and just be wrapped in them. Anyone. I need just a break from the world. I haven't felt safe like that in so long. I haven't felt safe at all in ages.
Hum. Sad.
Here.
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[24 Jul 2006|09:15pm] |
hard core heart break
antagonizing letdown
lets break
down
lets smile for squirttle
in portrayle of false icons
we sin in our own blood
we bathe in our own lies
we creep from behind curtains
we hide from mirrors
we sleep to abide our lives
loves, passions
let go
let go
lets be free
free to spend our lives doing nothing
going nowhere
believing in athetism
to send us where we belong
where do we belong?
do we truly belong in agony
for deeming the name of everything
or do will we live on in limbo
and neither fall nor float
until some new path is created
and we are born to bore new nonbelievers
in a vicious cycle that ends
only when time gives us a cue
are we sanctioned to fear that we don't know?
don't you bleed like me?
don't you run beside me?
then what is there to fear?
sexual preditors
and mental idealers
will always get in the way
but we can fall under an illusion of love
until the right one comes along
we can support each other into the darkness
right?
let go.
let go.
you see these scars
let go
let go
you can never be me
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enigmaphobic's journal